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Ok, I'm calm.
Still, I'd love to tell those kids exactly what it's like to have a mother who doesn't care about them, never wanted them, and never made an effort. They have no idea how good they have it. But I suppose that's just the way it is. Sandy herself knows, because she experienced it first-hand... we know, her and I.
Anyway, I can't be angry, it takes too much of my energy. I still have one more closing shift to work before I head out of Waterloo. My hangover from last night is finally fading, unlike during my morning shift, which was a graceless staggering performance at best. The teahouse was packed, too, which didn't help, but I muddled through.
It was worth it, though. Even though I said I'd only have a couple of drinks and head out at 1:30. The thing is, when you're at Club Abstract for all-request night with two of your gal friends, and the place is pretty much empty, and the bartender and the DJ are catering only to your needs, it's hard to say no to another drink, and another song. When I went up to thank the DJ for playing us so many wicked songs, he said "I was trying to anticipate what you guys would like, what you would dance to. I wanted to keep you dancing as long as I could." It blew my mind. Then we chatted about our mutual love of Tori Amos, he told me his name was Jason, shook my hand, and told me to come back real soon. Not to mention that the bartender, impressed at our bold consumption of gasoline shots, gave us free polar bears to wash down the taste. Needless to say, we left right before the last song.
Soooo... now I've got to haul ass back to work, then come home, finish some last-minute consumermas gifts, finish packing, and try to sleep. I have a driving lesson at 9 tomorrow morning, after which I will be driving myself (!) to the greyhound station where I'll catch my bus to Toronto.
Oh, and I have decided that there is only one way to avoid a miserable future of futility and sorrow: never have children. I have deduced that all the happy older people I know are childless. Also, I'd be very reluctant to bring a child into this world. Western society is a damaging climate for developing human beings. Now, to find a way to beat the system of autonomic hormonal desires and drives... a way to switch off the biological wrist watch.
...that is all.